I'm constantly avoiding my dad till its pissing myself off. I don't look where he's looking. I don't stay where he's at. I avoid all possible physical contact. I do what I should to show that I'm still good and still worthy of praise. I do what I do so as to give myself good reasons why is he not talking to me. But I want to stay as how it is now. Its fine now. Definitely no good but at least there's no conflict, signs of concern or any emotions involved. I can keep it and let it stay as it is by keeping myself occupied and not to ponder about it. In this way, we can both mind our own businesses and get on with our fucking lives. In this way, we both won't hurt each other and life would be generally better. We are so alike to the extent that at this point of time when initiative is needed we both don't even want to take the first step.
OK, shhh I should let things rest and finally let this chapter be closed. I gave up already, totally. Its so hard. Life is so hard. There are reasons why I do the things I do.